Yesterday seemed to be a long day at work, and I had to stay late to mop.
Eventually I came home to Emily on the living carpet with her Biochemistry book, her chocolate lap curled on a blanket beside her, and a 19 in TV with a movie going about 6 ft in front of her... also on the floor.
She joined me in the kitchen while I slid my spaghetti noodles and sauce into a pot on the stove top and popped some garlic toast in the oven (no microwaves around here). We talked about our days and our weekends... and by the time my dinner was ready she rose from our one chair - and offered it to me to eat at the kitchen counter. We chatted more while she perched on the counter, leaning against the kitchen cabinets.
After clean up she resumed her position on the carpet, and I brought my laptop in the living room. Somewhere in the middle of "Music and Lyrics" I glanced over at Tikka and Emily, and Geronimo curled up beside me on the floor, in our empty empty home and thought "This is beautiful, I couldn't ask for much more".
Monday, October 12, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Quick Update
I have a roof and four walls in Missoula! You can still reach me via my PO Box. Geronimo and I will be living with the fabulous new Pharmacy school student Emily from Minnesota and her chocolate lab Tikka. We've got a lot of furniture aquiring and decorating to do =)
Work is great. On top of selling gear and clothes downtown and at the mall I'm also learning the very scientific complicated socially attuned art of being a barista. (how many shots of espresso would you like?)
Now that I've taken my yearly pilgrimage to Fernie BC and don't have to house hunt every spare minute things should mellow out into fall as Montana prepares for the winter.
But then again... you never can tell what God will put in your path.
Work is great. On top of selling gear and clothes downtown and at the mall I'm also learning the very scientific complicated socially attuned art of being a barista. (how many shots of espresso would you like?)
Now that I've taken my yearly pilgrimage to Fernie BC and don't have to house hunt every spare minute things should mellow out into fall as Montana prepares for the winter.
But then again... you never can tell what God will put in your path.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Strength through Surprises
I'm sitting at Kristin's I mac at her amazing rental in Corvallis MT debating whether or not I should drink a hot cup of chai. Yes- because it's a chilly early fall evening, no because a year ago I was in the best shape of my life and a few weeks ago some woman I was selling shoes to asked when I was expecting...
My throat hurts, and I just returned Geronimo to the the kennel after an amazing weekend in the woods- full of surprises.
I'd intended, for weeks, to spend this weekend in Glacier. After weeks of emotionally taxing house hunting around Missoula I thought it'd be great to get away from all my stresses for a few days. I had plans to kick it with a fellow I met my last week in Glacier National Park, a funny fabulous human that captains a boat and hangs Christmas lights around New York City - I've been excited -to say the least. So when he called Thursday to let me know for a variety of reasons our plans weren't quite what we thought, I said thanks, I understand, I'll figure something else out.
See the thing is- through all the rejection of not being picked as a housemate, or renter, or having your buddy do something else instead of hang out with you... all this sort of rejection is bringing a MORE than healthy dose of humility to my life. I used to get upset about these things, and I still do a bit, but mostly I say thank you, that stinks, but I'll get along.
So I came down to the Bitterroot Mountains, to kick it with Geronimo, find Kristin, and check OUT of Missou for a few days.
Kristin is one of my best friends and few role models. I know that's kinda weird- looking up to someone your age- but I just can't help it. She's a dreamer and a doer, who has achieved amazingly great things in our short years of life. She is inspiring, sympathizing, inquisitive, and currently- going through heart break.
We've come to each other through hard times in our 6 years of a friendship since starting photojournalism school. We talk about ethics, philosophy, the wild, life journeys, dogs, boys. Most of our chats the past 3 years through huge life changes have been via phone, (Seattle-Maine, Montana-Virginia, etc). The opportunity to be in her home astounds me - and though technically I have no where else to go- I'm grateful to God and fate for us being in Montana, together, to go through this.
Funny thing about bad surprises- they grow you. See few people wish ill will upon themselves. You don't walk around saying 'I hope something terrible happens to someone I love" or "I hope I get terminally ill" or "I hope I job hunt for a year and end up barely making minimum wage" or "I hope I wander around my new town for a month couch surfing and creating awkward moments with my friends". No. No one wishes those things - because those things SUCK. But you know- ready or not- they happen. And when they happen- you get to find out just how strong you really are.
Sometimes I think I personally proved that while hiking the Appalachian Trail, other times I think I proved it when facing the guy that initiated my homeless streak while at work. But after a weekend in the woods with myself, Geronimo, and Montana awe--some ness I think strength- true strength- is not at all about proving.
Lately I think true anything has nothing to do with proving. If a thing is. It just is. I am strong. Kristin is fiercely wonderful. Geronimo is my child and best friend. Mountains are beautiful.
There is no justification. No explanation. I know that there WAS proof... I just don't care anymore. I can gracefully and faithfully accept and acknowledge these things.
Sucky surprises... they knock you on your ass for awhile. But somewhere in the cloud of dust and despair you feel a new, unknown strength putting you back on your feet (and if you're real lucky you've got a loving smile and hand reached out to you).
So you stand back up. Shakey- but more solid than you could've known.
I am strong. Needs no proof- but surprises me every time.
And Kristin... she's wintering in Alaska.
But tomorrow morning there is cinnamon streusel muffins, hot chai, and a new day.
My throat hurts, and I just returned Geronimo to the the kennel after an amazing weekend in the woods- full of surprises.
I'd intended, for weeks, to spend this weekend in Glacier. After weeks of emotionally taxing house hunting around Missoula I thought it'd be great to get away from all my stresses for a few days. I had plans to kick it with a fellow I met my last week in Glacier National Park, a funny fabulous human that captains a boat and hangs Christmas lights around New York City - I've been excited -to say the least. So when he called Thursday to let me know for a variety of reasons our plans weren't quite what we thought, I said thanks, I understand, I'll figure something else out.
See the thing is- through all the rejection of not being picked as a housemate, or renter, or having your buddy do something else instead of hang out with you... all this sort of rejection is bringing a MORE than healthy dose of humility to my life. I used to get upset about these things, and I still do a bit, but mostly I say thank you, that stinks, but I'll get along.
So I came down to the Bitterroot Mountains, to kick it with Geronimo, find Kristin, and check OUT of Missou for a few days.
Kristin is one of my best friends and few role models. I know that's kinda weird- looking up to someone your age- but I just can't help it. She's a dreamer and a doer, who has achieved amazingly great things in our short years of life. She is inspiring, sympathizing, inquisitive, and currently- going through heart break.
We've come to each other through hard times in our 6 years of a friendship since starting photojournalism school. We talk about ethics, philosophy, the wild, life journeys, dogs, boys. Most of our chats the past 3 years through huge life changes have been via phone, (Seattle-Maine, Montana-Virginia, etc). The opportunity to be in her home astounds me - and though technically I have no where else to go- I'm grateful to God and fate for us being in Montana, together, to go through this.
Funny thing about bad surprises- they grow you. See few people wish ill will upon themselves. You don't walk around saying 'I hope something terrible happens to someone I love" or "I hope I get terminally ill" or "I hope I job hunt for a year and end up barely making minimum wage" or "I hope I wander around my new town for a month couch surfing and creating awkward moments with my friends". No. No one wishes those things - because those things SUCK. But you know- ready or not- they happen. And when they happen- you get to find out just how strong you really are.
Sometimes I think I personally proved that while hiking the Appalachian Trail, other times I think I proved it when facing the guy that initiated my homeless streak while at work. But after a weekend in the woods with myself, Geronimo, and Montana awe--some ness I think strength- true strength- is not at all about proving.
Lately I think true anything has nothing to do with proving. If a thing is. It just is. I am strong. Kristin is fiercely wonderful. Geronimo is my child and best friend. Mountains are beautiful.
There is no justification. No explanation. I know that there WAS proof... I just don't care anymore. I can gracefully and faithfully accept and acknowledge these things.
Sucky surprises... they knock you on your ass for awhile. But somewhere in the cloud of dust and despair you feel a new, unknown strength putting you back on your feet (and if you're real lucky you've got a loving smile and hand reached out to you).
So you stand back up. Shakey- but more solid than you could've known.
I am strong. Needs no proof- but surprises me every time.
And Kristin... she's wintering in Alaska.
But tomorrow morning there is cinnamon streusel muffins, hot chai, and a new day.
Friday, September 11, 2009
PO BOX how hip
I'm on Hillary's futon in my new goodwill pj pants while Geronimo works on his rawhide bone. The Missoula night air is chilly - ushering in a new season, and I'm delighted for a night in with Audrey Hepburn as My Fair Lady.
I'm trying not to think about my multiple housing situations that have fallen through, trying to hold faith that something... soon... will materialize.
Like so many dreamers and doers before and after me I've decided to make the best of my situation and work with what I have, instead of dwell on what I don't.
That being said, I'm now the proud renter of P.O. Box 7216 in the stately downtown Missoula building (zip 59807 if you care to write =)
With which I've finally opened a Montana bank account, the first since 2003.
I'll save us both the rollercoaster of emotions ensued from my home hunt- suffice to say I'm still searching- and will let you know when I've landed somewhere.
Oh- and I do like my new job, but I miss my work family at Outdoor Trails.
I'm trying not to think about my multiple housing situations that have fallen through, trying to hold faith that something... soon... will materialize.
Like so many dreamers and doers before and after me I've decided to make the best of my situation and work with what I have, instead of dwell on what I don't.
That being said, I'm now the proud renter of P.O. Box 7216 in the stately downtown Missoula building (zip 59807 if you care to write =)
With which I've finally opened a Montana bank account, the first since 2003.
I'll save us both the rollercoaster of emotions ensued from my home hunt- suffice to say I'm still searching- and will let you know when I've landed somewhere.
Oh- and I do like my new job, but I miss my work family at Outdoor Trails.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
National Parks and Malls
I'm sitting in the Kallispell Mall watching hipster teens pick out accessories at Claire's, old men talk to themselves as they wait on a bench, and middle age couples cruise around - new purchases in hand. Will I really be working in a mall in two weeks? Coming from Field Camp this people watching is amusing, I hope I stay removed enough from it to keep that view while spending 40 hours a week in one.
The last three days I spent in Many Glacier, a slightly removed corner of Glacier National Park, seeming to be more wild in scenery and wildlife than the already impressive going to the sun road regions. I saw three grizzly bears, three moose (cow, calf, and bull, a few hoary marmots and some folks in my group were lucky enough to encounter a pine marten! It was a wet chilly trip, temperatures between 30 and 50 most of the time with pretty consistent precipitation - sometimes rain, sometimes hail. The group I was with are visiting Glacier from the Adirondack Hiking Club (most of them living in upstate New York). My boss and I are both pretty thankful for that- they've been extremely resilient despite the less than ideal circumstances. So we hiked past lowland lakes into the high country to see glaciers cleaving into growing lakes and already deglaciated lakes with icebergs in them.
This landscape is quite certainly impressive.
After a few days I found myself less than satiated from the experience and wondering... why? Watching these neatly dressed folks walk around on the shiny tiled floor of this mall I think I realize why. National Parks - are a lot like malls.
Nearly every hike the Glacier Institute leads people on in the months of July and August (the only months the entire park is open and accessible) is teeming with people. Coveted destinations become that way for a reason- they are beautiful- people like to see beautiful places. The irony that more visitors detract from the "scenic wild beauty" everyone is coming to see seems lost on most folks as they amble along these well traveled paths.
Sometimes as I hike I wonder when I will see a weasel, or bear, wildcat, wolf. Lately I've realized - despite them BEING here I might as well count on NOT seeing them so long as I pass 10, 20, 100? people along the trail.
I guess it's more a matter of knowing what you're getting yourself into. It's good for folks to have a chance to see nature, for screaming babies to venture out with their parents and siblings, for city folk to see mountain goats. Are they seeing a wild place? Kind of. Being around them all- am I seeing a wild place? No.
I'm thinking I should get to know the Bob Marshall Wilderness. I'm thinking the romantic notion I've harbored about National Parks is mostly defunct. I'm wondering if it's possible to feel "wild" in a place where people from all over our country and others are corralled to stand in front of interpretive signs and learn about a place.
Beyond anything I know that I'm very thankful for cities. Cities and towns are absolutely where the mass of society should hang out in. Should everyone appreciate nature? Sure, that'd be great. But if everyone hung out in wild places all the time they would in fact be less wild.
I've had a lot of adventure buddies that have felt this way; I've always viewed it as cynical and selfish, but after living in a beautiful nature setting and having to interact with as many people as I see walking around this mall I know what they mean. I'm glad not everyone hikes the Appalachian Trail. I'm glad wilderness is scary to some people. And I'm glad the majority of folks passing this window, cell phone in hand, texting, will spend most of their time in corporated city limits.
One final thought, advice from Edward Abbey:
"Do not burn yourself out. Be as I am-a reluctant enthusiast... a part time crusader, a half-hearted fanatic. Save the other half of yourselves and your lives for pleasure and adventure. It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you can. While it is still there. So get out there and mess around with your friends, ramble out yonder and explore the forests, encounter the grizz, climb the mountains. Run the rivers, breathe deep of that yet sweet and lucid air, sit quietly for a while and contemplate the precious stillness, that lovely, mysterious and awesome space. Enjoy yourselves, keep your brain in your head and your head firmly attached to your body, the body active and alive, and I promise you this much: I promise you this one sweet victory over our enemies, over those deskbound people with their hearts in a safe deposit box and their eyes hypnotized by desk calculators. I promise you this: you will outlive the bastards."
The last three days I spent in Many Glacier, a slightly removed corner of Glacier National Park, seeming to be more wild in scenery and wildlife than the already impressive going to the sun road regions. I saw three grizzly bears, three moose (cow, calf, and bull, a few hoary marmots and some folks in my group were lucky enough to encounter a pine marten! It was a wet chilly trip, temperatures between 30 and 50 most of the time with pretty consistent precipitation - sometimes rain, sometimes hail. The group I was with are visiting Glacier from the Adirondack Hiking Club (most of them living in upstate New York). My boss and I are both pretty thankful for that- they've been extremely resilient despite the less than ideal circumstances. So we hiked past lowland lakes into the high country to see glaciers cleaving into growing lakes and already deglaciated lakes with icebergs in them.
This landscape is quite certainly impressive.
After a few days I found myself less than satiated from the experience and wondering... why? Watching these neatly dressed folks walk around on the shiny tiled floor of this mall I think I realize why. National Parks - are a lot like malls.
Nearly every hike the Glacier Institute leads people on in the months of July and August (the only months the entire park is open and accessible) is teeming with people. Coveted destinations become that way for a reason- they are beautiful- people like to see beautiful places. The irony that more visitors detract from the "scenic wild beauty" everyone is coming to see seems lost on most folks as they amble along these well traveled paths.
Sometimes as I hike I wonder when I will see a weasel, or bear, wildcat, wolf. Lately I've realized - despite them BEING here I might as well count on NOT seeing them so long as I pass 10, 20, 100? people along the trail.
I guess it's more a matter of knowing what you're getting yourself into. It's good for folks to have a chance to see nature, for screaming babies to venture out with their parents and siblings, for city folk to see mountain goats. Are they seeing a wild place? Kind of. Being around them all- am I seeing a wild place? No.
I'm thinking I should get to know the Bob Marshall Wilderness. I'm thinking the romantic notion I've harbored about National Parks is mostly defunct. I'm wondering if it's possible to feel "wild" in a place where people from all over our country and others are corralled to stand in front of interpretive signs and learn about a place.
Beyond anything I know that I'm very thankful for cities. Cities and towns are absolutely where the mass of society should hang out in. Should everyone appreciate nature? Sure, that'd be great. But if everyone hung out in wild places all the time they would in fact be less wild.
I've had a lot of adventure buddies that have felt this way; I've always viewed it as cynical and selfish, but after living in a beautiful nature setting and having to interact with as many people as I see walking around this mall I know what they mean. I'm glad not everyone hikes the Appalachian Trail. I'm glad wilderness is scary to some people. And I'm glad the majority of folks passing this window, cell phone in hand, texting, will spend most of their time in corporated city limits.
One final thought, advice from Edward Abbey:
"Do not burn yourself out. Be as I am-a reluctant enthusiast... a part time crusader, a half-hearted fanatic. Save the other half of yourselves and your lives for pleasure and adventure. It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you can. While it is still there. So get out there and mess around with your friends, ramble out yonder and explore the forests, encounter the grizz, climb the mountains. Run the rivers, breathe deep of that yet sweet and lucid air, sit quietly for a while and contemplate the precious stillness, that lovely, mysterious and awesome space. Enjoy yourselves, keep your brain in your head and your head firmly attached to your body, the body active and alive, and I promise you this much: I promise you this one sweet victory over our enemies, over those deskbound people with their hearts in a safe deposit box and their eyes hypnotized by desk calculators. I promise you this: you will outlive the bastards."
Thursday, August 6, 2009
August... already.
Evening sky turns grey/ green with lightening across the river. Upturned cottonwood leaves shake pale, almost white against the white bark and darkened sky. Families scamper out of the tipi, away from stories of native creation and fur trappers.
Hillary and I sneak away to the kitchen for late dinner, tea, and girl talk.
Eventually we find ourselves in the office with peanut M&Ms myspace music and dreams, while a near full moon illuminates dispersing clouds.
The kids claim to have seen a close lightening strike and baby beaver on their walk to Quarter Circle Bridge (where lower McDonald Creek dumps into the Middle Fork of the Flathead River) reminding me... I never went for that swim today. No matter - it seems almost enough to have clean shiny hair for the first time in.. 3? ... ? days.
I tell Hillary our time in Glacier will be done before we know it... leaves will change and we'll meet for a drink in downtown Missoula. Maybe I say it to convince myself... this is real... this is happening.
For those of you whom I haven't told I've secured a full time job at an outfitter in Missoula, starting September 1st. The work should be comparable to Outdoor Trails (the store I've worked in since it's 2001 Daleville opening). Gear shops are not professions to make one rich... but the side benefits are enough to invest in a happy well-rounded life. I get to stay in Montana. I get to work in Missoula. And I'm on the look out for lodging. If all goes well Dacia (my first Montana friend and roommate from college) will be living with me by February. Sometimes dreams really do come true =)
I know, I know, it's been too long since I've written, and it seems I'm constantly excusing myself for that... but you might imagine weather doesn't permit Glacier National Park to be open and functional much of the year. July and August are really the peak seasons and at Field Camp we've been insanely busy. We've just started getting days off again (something that didn't really happen the month of July) and the schedule looks promising to calm down towards the end of this month.
Highlights of life since we last talked have been hanging out with art classes here at field camp, spending a weekend fly fishing, being flipped 5 different ways at the cowboy bar, and spending time with Low and Bones on their way to Alaska.
Ahhh and the most important highlight... Geronimo is spending the month of August with a wonderful, kind generous family who has a few homes (farm in north central Montana and house on the golf course... just across the river from me). So that is a huge guilt and stress lifted from me. The kennel he was in took great care of him, but the thought of him snuggled in a 9 year boy's bed after harvesting grain all day makes me very happy.
So we are well. We are blessed. We are grateful at what has come and hopeful about what is to be.
I wish the same for you =)
Anyone want to take my yearly October British Columbia drive with me?
Hillary and I sneak away to the kitchen for late dinner, tea, and girl talk.
Eventually we find ourselves in the office with peanut M&Ms myspace music and dreams, while a near full moon illuminates dispersing clouds.
The kids claim to have seen a close lightening strike and baby beaver on their walk to Quarter Circle Bridge (where lower McDonald Creek dumps into the Middle Fork of the Flathead River) reminding me... I never went for that swim today. No matter - it seems almost enough to have clean shiny hair for the first time in.. 3? ... ? days.
I tell Hillary our time in Glacier will be done before we know it... leaves will change and we'll meet for a drink in downtown Missoula. Maybe I say it to convince myself... this is real... this is happening.
For those of you whom I haven't told I've secured a full time job at an outfitter in Missoula, starting September 1st. The work should be comparable to Outdoor Trails (the store I've worked in since it's 2001 Daleville opening). Gear shops are not professions to make one rich... but the side benefits are enough to invest in a happy well-rounded life. I get to stay in Montana. I get to work in Missoula. And I'm on the look out for lodging. If all goes well Dacia (my first Montana friend and roommate from college) will be living with me by February. Sometimes dreams really do come true =)
I know, I know, it's been too long since I've written, and it seems I'm constantly excusing myself for that... but you might imagine weather doesn't permit Glacier National Park to be open and functional much of the year. July and August are really the peak seasons and at Field Camp we've been insanely busy. We've just started getting days off again (something that didn't really happen the month of July) and the schedule looks promising to calm down towards the end of this month.
Highlights of life since we last talked have been hanging out with art classes here at field camp, spending a weekend fly fishing, being flipped 5 different ways at the cowboy bar, and spending time with Low and Bones on their way to Alaska.
Ahhh and the most important highlight... Geronimo is spending the month of August with a wonderful, kind generous family who has a few homes (farm in north central Montana and house on the golf course... just across the river from me). So that is a huge guilt and stress lifted from me. The kennel he was in took great care of him, but the thought of him snuggled in a 9 year boy's bed after harvesting grain all day makes me very happy.
So we are well. We are blessed. We are grateful at what has come and hopeful about what is to be.
I wish the same for you =)
Anyone want to take my yearly October British Columbia drive with me?
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