Sunday, May 22, 2011


One of my recent fascinations with a landscape is the color pallete it uses. Here in a saturated Shenandoah spring the world is blue. Blue mountains with a lush green foreground, the sky a hazy light blue.
As sun sets these mountains ripple into a blue sea, wave upon ridge. It's thick this evening. Still not hot enough to be oppressive, but moisture so visible you could part the air like curtains. And I've come to Hawksbill Creek.
Fathers walk with shoulder riding daughters, middle aged couples power walk beside one another - with ear buds in. Little town - it's a quiet village.
Sitting in the concrete pour spout just above the creek I can see a bird the size of my fist splashing about. I wish I could identify more eastern wildlife. A few key things I know - mountain laurel are radiant right now, honey suckle are scenting the hillsides, and Maddie says the size of blackberry flowers are promising for fruit in a few months.
There are so few moments in my life in Luray to sit back and absorb. Ours is a busy life of 1.5 activities, new students, shifting school groups, and enough sleep as we can muster. That part I am not sad to leave.
But turning new life chapters frequently presents itself with hopes and fears, and lately I have many fixated thoughts on - "what next?". As if we ever really know.
I've been thinking a lot about passion and joy. How my frequency and capacity for it has shifted so much the past 10 years And how lately, in what feels like the brink of walking deeper into bright happy places the dark stormy sides of me tug to not cross that threshold.
I guess we're currently in the middle of a month of hard work and busy weekends. Between that, a looming new chapter, and all the unanswered questions I suppose I've worked myself into a place with the Mean Reds.
I suppose this dusky creek is my Tiffany's. The only thing to calm me down. The quiet proud look of it- nothing bad could happen here. But then again, I guess Audrey's feelings about a jewelry store don't exactly relate to Bek and a creek. Last week this creek was flooded - something bad DEFINITELY could've happened here, but maybe for me it's more important to be in a place with the capacity for great calm or great turbulence and feel fluid with it.
Mint, chamomile and freshwater funk mix with a distant cigarette and my subdued lime-coconut lotion.
Steve asked me this week why I love to be outside. Without much thought I told him I love the wildness and freedom I have there. It's been strange to me in this Luray job how infrequently I feel wild or free. I hope the youngins I work with feel that.
My prayer is that whatever comes after June there will be laughter, reflection, business, quiet times, and that love which is present will overcome fear and hurt from the past.

And that a river runs through it.

Saturday, May 7, 2011


So, it's been awhile.
Life's been throwing me a lot of surprises - the type that feel better living through than writing about.
The quick version is I moved stayed at Camp Bethel for a month with Seyra before moving back to Luray mid March. Through that move a lot of torn feelings surfaced about wanting to continue the life I had lived in the winter - plugged into church community, Outdoor Trails friends, and other Roanoke area buds - in a place where I know folks and can help them by staying in that community. Through City Light Groups my continued prayer request was - not my will but your's be done Lord, and I dragged my feet pouting north to Luray.
But Spring is no time to pout. And after a few busy weeks life turned down a few interesting side trails. I have realized Sheridan is a remarkable company to work for and feel very blessed to be employed by a progressive approachable employer and bosses. Our schedule is crazy sometimes, the kids are too talkative sometimes, but overall I finally know all my ropes set up knots (though I'm still a little shakey on the muenter mule) and feel solid about my role as an Outdoor Educator. The nights are still chilly, breeze is fresh, and the canopy has been renewed. It rains- a lot - and I can feel myself refreshed, growing.
I miss my girlfriends this season. My good bud from summer/ fall has moved on to Arizona. And my other gal pal has been working on personal stuff, so there is a bittersweet longing to make more quality girl time happen in "off" time. I might have a shopping date with Morgan tomorrow morning- ohhhh yeah. =)
I've been getting back south to B'tot A LOT on my many weekends off. It's blissful. Though I find myself needing a few weekends here and there to detox and totally recoup around Shenandoah -no major travel or plans, just rest.
Regarding Matters of the Heart - for the first time in a long time, I am decidedly with someone who is holistically wonderful to be with. Who he is, who we are together, and who I am with and apart from him leaves me joyful.
It's a good season.
In a short month and a half life will turn over again as my year contract in Luray comes to a close. It will be a time for big decisions and new chapters. Please pray that God illuminates the path ahead as much as needed and that in each surprise I will see blessing and joy - rain or shine.
I'll try to keep you posted =)