Wednesday, January 6, 2010

With a little help.

There are shades of blue and green in Montana I have never seen. Glacial turquoise lakes, alpenglow dusks set against snowy peaks. I wait in anticipation a clear January sky darkens. I conjure mirages of the northern lights on the horizon, my belly growls.
My neighbor across the alley just yelled and cursed out Geronimo, Mo was scared. My dying crotchety old neighbor is probably the worst part about living here .... he stands at the glass sliding door of his double wide, gazing across his perfectly manicured lawn in nowhere Missoula, waiting for Mo or I to do something that pisses him off, so he can yell at either or both of us. Delore. Delore pisses ME off. But tonight - for the first time - I was thinking who cares. Let him stare. Stalk. Scream. Let him poison his life... not mine... I have enough to worry about.
I've spent the past few days trying to get my head on straight, heart directional... and freakin make some money already. Where to go? What to do?
I plan on applying to some career oriented positions and some graduate programs, a geographical smattering of options... and see where that takes me.
I'm so sick of the perpetual application process. But maybe this time it won't be so bad.... this time I'm not so alone.

Monday, January 4, 2010

night like this

I hunker down inside the glow of wooden walls. Cozy with Mo. Opening the door unexpectedly finding - snow. Fresh dusting. Sparkling.
Perhaps it was always there, waiting. Perhaps it came contingent on a moment like this.
Fall in Missoula? Winter in Montana? Cats and Rabbits?
Things are never as I might think or you might suppose.
Things are.
Loosen that grip.
Let is shimmy through your fingers.
Diamonds on the inside. Diamonds dust the icy alley.