Monday, October 19, 2009

past, present, future

I know it may be strange, but ever since the AT I often think "what was I doing this day, a year ago". Maybe it helps me stay grounded, and feel roots I often forget in this life of motion and vast geography the past few years. It's amazing- what we can make of life. I wonder how many others' realize this? I wonder if I fully appreciate it.

Journal Entries

"10/17/08 Standing Indian Shelter NC 9pm 'Do not look back and ask 'why?' look forward and ask 'why not?' ~Dark Chocolate Dove Wrapper ..."

"10/19/08 Rock Gap Shelter 32degrees 9am Jim aka Paul with Bunyans has been talking my ear off since I rolled in @ 8:45 last night - near running thru the dark woods singing to keep bears away. Started in my down jacket and rain pants - in my long underwear by the fire at the end of it. When night hiking a headlamp and a fire are two of the most welcoming sights imaginable..."

"10/20/08 Wayah Shelter 38 degrees 8am Glimpses of mountains and valleys thru the fall foliage are beautiful- the sun rose lovely today- and as I'm on a mountainside I can see deep golden rays - hopeful- instead of tucked in the heart of mountain hollers. 2 SOBOs Gabe and Energizer Bunny have left. EB was one of the first SOBOs I saw in Sage's Ravine CT/MA border. He was with 3 guys, they all quit. D.P. showed up- I didn't think I'd see him after Albert Mountain dinner the other night- nice for familiar company but I'm still not comfortable with him. Yesterday morning was lovely. I hiked fast with water views, some uphills but a lot of down, feeling good @ road to Franklin. Pushed up faster further than I should before lunch. Felt tired drained and defeated the rest of the day. Called Birdbath and Hot Cheese from a sunny field by a dirt road and found I wanted to cry. After a long lunch got up and to Wayah Bald- One of my favorite spots on the trail so far. Because the sky was blue and brilliant from the stone tower I could see Standing Indian, Albert Mtn - other side I could see the Smokey's Clingman's Dome. Exciting and daunting. Reminded me of the first view of the Whites from Greylock, but no Ryan to lure me forward. No more damn boys. Just this trip, this girl, make it or break it"

I haven't been writing much in my journal since my days of walking have shifted to driving and the travel across a space has hastened exponentially. I wrote a couple weeks ago while in Fernie. Sharing these entries makes me realize I should pick it up regularly again.

So... what am I up to in 2009?

I was off Saturday and Sunday this weekend (a rare occurrence for me to have 2 weekend days off in a row). Friday night I holed up with Emily and the dogs, cozy in our blankets on the living room carpet and watch One Hour Photo. Decent movie- but the major impression it had on me - was how much I miss my Dad. Ever since I was in middle school he's been a movie junkie - frequently coming home from the Pharmacy with 4 movies at a time. They were rarely movies I WANTED to watch, despite that and my high school homework and fatigue from running practice I'd stay up and watch with him anyway. While I was hiking Geronimo filled in as movie watching couch buddy with my Dad.

Saturday I spent the morning with Hillary hanging downtown at the markets and shopping for pieces for our Halloween getups. Princess Lolli of Candyland for me, and Miss Piggy with the swine flu for Hillary. The highlight of my afternoon was a long catch up phone session with my older sister. And in the evening Hillary and her boyfriend invited me to an Octoberfest party with Monte and Elvis. The party was outside of town through farm fields, and a quick walk down a tiki torch lit path over a creek, through the woods, to a bon fire with bluegrass musicians and just enough people.

Sunday I popped some cinnamon rolls in the oven while Emily and I slipped on dresses and cowboy boots for church. She kept making cracks about "Our Sunday's Best" and after a tasty morning we found ourselves clapping and praying in the pews of First Presbyterian Church (my first time back since college). A few of folks I went to bible study with are kickin around - one has a child now, and there's a new River Runs Through It memorial our front. There was a lot of talk of fly fishing, rivers, and Philippians - "Life is Christ". We came home, had a family photo shoot with the porch rail as our tripod and those squirrely dogs. Eventually heading out to Blue Mountain to climb a small one and revel in the sun, ponderosa pines, and glowing grass. On our way home we splurged and whipped into Applebees.I digested while catching up with Ryan, who after much adventure and hurt has settled out into a great friend.

This weekend in my hometown was the Fincastle Run. My younger brother, his girlfriend, my high school friends, all ran through the Virginia hills and fall foliage. My mom hung out and took photos.

I am happy in Montana, I am glad to have come here, and feel like I'm finally settling in enough to create a community here. But I miss these things- these small things. Watching movies with my Dad, staying up late to jam guitars with Jam Spot, pumpkin patch field trips with my kindergarten teaching sister, how randomly my Mom bakes things. Sunday post-church lunch with all of them. Watching Cindy and Stewart play with their son Carson. Dragging Bethany downtown Roanoke with me to meet up with Stephanie and those Harwell boys. Matt Fischer's heatless cabin and dog play dates. Climbing mountains with Luke. The way Doug looks behind the register at ODT. Sydney Bean's Halloween outfits. Having my bankers at Suntrust harass me about my dating life and never need to ask for an ID.

And now it's Monday and I'll be selling Patagonia clothes at Southgate Mall within an hour. Which is less stressful than the idea of being downtown and selling Ski stuff I'm still a bit clueless over.

Do I dare wonder or ask... what next year? October 2010.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11 (NIV)

This outta be good =D


Ryan said...

Sunday best = awesome

Anonymous said...

Ahhhhh....reading your writing is like a BIG gulp of fresh air! Keep writing and journaling girl!


Linda Lee said...

Dear PenMar AT/Montana Girl;

Sorry I haven't commented to your last two posts. Thanks for your comments and pictures.

Glad you took a big breath. Reads like you are breathing better in this season of your life.

Stay Warm...

Your PenMar Friend,
Linda Lee