Tuesday, August 21, 2012
We had a lot to talk about. I knew that... kind of ... but as I headed up a little known path after a prayer and a peach in my favorite sanctuary... my heart broke. The soft detritus ground beneath my nearly bare feet, that spongy bounce. The drizzle and damp leaves glistening the woods. The quiet babble of a brook I've shared so many secrets with. Brought my hard walls crashing down - and with more transparency and honesty than I understood, my mouth said - I'm sorry, I've always loved you, and never meant to leave you, I just don't know how to be in each others lives right now. After a long rainy walk, and a very long conversation I knew who I was talking to - but it felt so interlaced with a place I know backwards and forwards, the love of my life. And it got me thinking... about earthly and... not so earthly loves. Or love in general. We used to read campers "The Giving Tree". What a fantastic story. From the time I was a 2nd grade camper, to my last year on staff... that bittersweet selfless love story moves my heart. I replayed all the stages between the tree and the boy, and how and when to help in each, and when you really really think about it - the type of love that took everything from the tree, was always what the boy needed. I wish my heart could give like that. It will never cease to amaze me what life's twists and turns do to love. And I think about my savior, who taught me to love, and that tree. What beautiful examples. This weekend I roamed the wilds of North Carolina's tallest mountains. Balsam Firs trigger my heart stings, and I walk, and sort. Tonight, I broke, and I'm not really sure where my heart is... in this earth... only that it's tearful hopeful pieces are in the hands of a savior who knows what to do with them. And one thing keeps quietly repeating inside me - just breathe. Be it blurry - I look forward. Eyes open at the sunset, eager for a fresh day tomorrow.