Monday, January 5, 2009

Balance Games

Dark blue-grey clouds patch work themselves over a diffused sun. I hear the heat wave is coming to a close and by this evening rain and sleet will settle in. I'm in a wicker rocking chair on a wrap around front porch. Grey paint chips from the boards beneath my feet, Geronimo and Heidi sniff around the yard. A chill sets deeper than my middle school gym shorts and high school track sweatshirt have protected me against. The air is moist.

I listen to Lauryn Hill; because I need to get my groove back and it reminds me of Camp Brown Bag. In Desert Solitaire Edward Abbey builds an outdoor living space beside his park service house trailer. I'm brainstorming constructing a similar structure here. Life at this house is safe, comfortable, and full of the latest greatest modern distractions... I mean.. conveniences. Memories, dreams, desires of a life of travel and exploration float to the pinnacle of my consciousness like a bloated body thrown overboard.

More time than I can justify has been spent in front of some variety of LCD screen; job hunting, Wii Fit, Email, TV. The most redeeming factor of this intermission of quiet financially grueling restlessness has been the time I've spent with my family. I try not to think much about them returning to their jobs, schooling, normal life after the holiday. Mostly because this holiday has become my normal life.

Even too much of a good thing can be harmful? Even water, my Dad says. Even a holiday, I say. My goal for the week: find and apply to a handful of jobs I'm very serious about and interested in. My goal was to winter in Botetourt, return to the AT (Fontana-Daleville)) in the spring, head west by the end of May. If I don't find enough work in the next few months an AT return will not happen in 2009. College is spent working towards graduation. Post college I've spent working towards the AT. The next chapter is turning, and I've GOT to find a goal to propel forward motion. My eddy out has become stagnant. Where's the current?

If only finding life and inner balance was as straight forward as Wii Fit Balance Games.

2 comments:

Linda Lee said...

Happy New Year!

You made it to your next year. You are already thinking of Spring, how great is that.

The job will come and like all of us you will complain about getting up to go to work. But you will quickly tell yourself to be thankful you have a job to complain about.

Are we ever HAPPY? To compare all the paths we have gone down the one we are on is the best one for now.

Keep us posted. I bet you have some Christmas pictures to download.

I visited the PenMar area Jan. 2nd and all is well. Made me think of you.

Luv ya - Your PenMar Friend,
Linda Lee

Anonymous said...

Rebekah,

Glad to see you're doing well. I've been wondering how your AT journey was going. I hope you're able to get back out there--I'm sure you'll be able to make it happen. Good luck with the job search.

Jenna (the annoying customer at Outdoor Trails)